The pain of holding on

I once worked with a client who was taking several medications for anxiety and depression, one of them illegal. When I asked him what he thought was driving his depression he told me he was going through a divorce, having some major health problems, behind on his mortgage and as if that wasn’t bad enough he just got laid off. Since the layoff was recent I knew that hadn’t caused the other chain of events so I asked more about the financial issues. It turns out he and his wife had bought a house they really couldn’t afford and had struggled the past 2 years to pay the mortgage. It was the struggle and worries it created that lead to all the other events in his life including his health problems. He was self medicating to try to avoid having to face situations that seemed beyond his ability to cope.

There is pain in letting go but there is far more pain in trying to hold on to an object or situation that is no longer in your best interest. On some levels we don’t want to let go because even if it’s bad it’s at least familiar and the vast unknown of possibility seems very scary.

My client was afraid to let go of his house because it meant admitting to himself and to others that the stable happy life he was pretending to have wasn’t what it appeared to be. In reality he had gotten so far behind on his mortgage that change was going to happen no matter how hard he tried to fend it off; his struggle was only making it worse.

Ask yourself what in your life are you trying too hard to hold on too?

What is the underlying reason you are holding on? Are you afraid of what others will think? Are you afraid there won’t ever be a replacement?

Acknowledge your feelings and allow yourself to work through them but make your needed changes anyway. Trust that you will be ok no matter what happens.

It’s scary but you have to give up to gain and there is no telling what better life situation is trying to manifest but cant because you are still holding on to the past.